The Octopus Seeks Education

The Octopus does more than just conquer the world's most savage peaks. He also values education and scholarship. However, as with climbing, he always seeks the easiest path.

After a particularly ugly night of drunken carousing, The Octopus is motivated to seek a graduate degree in science at MIT. "Uh Oh" Octopus does not seem to approve, but she never approves.

The Octopus moves into his new office, sharing a cubicle with Supercritical Sammy, the Team Tester Goldfish. Sammy is appalled by The Octopus's odd hours and sloppy work habits, but they make the relationship work.

Always the clown, The Octopus takes time out to abuse photocopier priviledges.

The Octopus finishes his research well ahead of schedule (actually, someone else did all the work, as usual), then procrastinates terribly as the thesis deadline approaches. After a brutal all-nighter, his officemates find him unconscious at his keyboard after a dangerous mix of coffee, tea, No-Doz, Mountain Dew, Edge2O, Surge, Pop-Rocks, amphetamines, Lobdell food, and crack. However, the thesis was completed on time.

The Octopus and friends celebrate his academic achievement. However, the euphoria does not last long, as He soon realizes that getting an MIT degree is not a very good way to impress octo-chicks.

A hard day of scientific research starts with several cups of coffee. The Octopus meets Jennifer, the coffee goddess of the BioCafe. So begins an ugly ten-cup-a-day habit.

The Octopus spends hours in the lab, often assisted by other graduate students. He follows proper chemical hygiene at all times, but causes a few incidents of property damage or toxic contamination. One person is severely injured--but luckily it's only a UROP.

Teaching assignments come with the territory. Here, The Octopus lectures undergrads on Cephalopodal Mechanics. The students are not impressed, and soon stop attending classes. He doesn't worry, since He feels that research is more important than teaching, anyway.

The Octopus is bedecked in the grand academic regalia of the Institute at the annual commencement exercises. He likes the oversized hood--he can order his minions to bear it behind him as he walks.

Fully educated and degreed, The Octopus puts his knowledge to use--brewing beer.

photos and scholarship by Matthew Reagan

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